Inkspill No. 7: Time Thoughts

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I have lived nineteen years on God’s green earth.

From outer space, of course, this planet is more blue ocean than green land–but if you have ever looked intently into the bouncing waters beneath your quick white tourist boat, as I did one year in Newport–you know that seawater is (in its heart) green.

. . . Or maybe not. For where is that jade hue on a sunny California day, such as the one upon which we wove along the pacific coast highway? The air was charged with light, the gulls rode the wind, the merry ocean was the clear crystal-blue of an aquamarine jewel.

So, then, the earth is not all green, any more than I am all nineteen. (In some ways I’m younger, in others, older.) But it is God’s, and everything in it.

I turned five years old in the year 2000, and had become conscious of years and how they pass. At that time, or not long after it, I was aware that the year 1990 had come ten years before. And somehow, ever since then, unto this very momentous year of 2015, my heart is still convinced of this: that 1990 was ten years ago and that the past is still very close to me. (Only my head feebly insists that 1990 was twenty-five years ago, and 1980 thirty-five, and so on.) I don’t know why it’s so important that I think of those decades as recent, as if I had lived them. Sometimes I want to stuff all the centuries of creation into my heart and ponder them there, so that at least in one place in the world, they and their people won’t be forgotten.

It is May and I will be twenty in October. That is a slightly uncomfortable thought, when I consider that I am, in many respects, something less than the woman I had always hoped I would be by this age. But I am put at rest again by something I didn’t know as a child: my happiness will never be restricted by my lack of perfection in certain areas of life, such as virtue or eloquence or accomplishment. No, my happiness and blessedness depend solely on the faithfulness of my God, who will never fail me.

It is no impediment to trust so wholly in the Lord for all my success, for I have found God to be far greater, more powerful, more gracious, and more kind than I had ever asked or imagined in the old days. I may be less than I once thought myself, but God is whole universes more than I once thought Him–and that makes all the difference.

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3 thoughts on “Inkspill No. 7: Time Thoughts

  1. I really enjoy you’re writing style. As you turn 20 remember. Nothing gets you unnecessarily depressed in your 20s more than thinking you should have your life together by now.

    Like

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